Retreating and new love

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.... Breathe in. Breathe out. Better.
I just summed up my weekend. I'm not going to get into the personal stuff. But oh my gosh. So good.
This weekend was the most... Broken weekend ever. And yet the most healing. I have never been so convicted or hurt, nor have I ever been so reassured and loved. Oh my gosh... It was good.
LOST. That's what this weekend was called. Before we started, we prayed for three things. One, that God would be present with us. Two, that we would have a community built. Three, that we would be broken. Not, "Oh I kinda feel convicted... Nah I'm good." But that we would be so broken, that we would have to rely on God just to breathe. And I felt that. My stomach twisted up, and for a whole day I was on the verge of throwing up from sheer emotion. Last night though, was the most liberating experience of my life. Like I said, I'm not going to get into the personal. But oh my gosh. It's like... I can't even explain the feeling. I don't have a metaphor that will do it justice. I have felt God in extremely powerful ways, but it has always felt intense. Like either smothering or just... I don't know. Intense. But this took everything away. It wasn't a feeling, but the removal of feeling. The removing of a need to feel. The burning of all the crap and guilt that I've been carrying, and the adding of nothing.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
New love. That's a tricky subject. It's something I've never thought about. Not new love, but the RENEWAL of love. It makes it actually so much stronger. Agggghhhh... I don't really have words to my emotions. It's simply... Emotions. And that's really hard to define. Man. I can't write any more. Actually I could, but it wouldn't make any sense. I have homework to take care of and letters to write. Gosh... No words can define.
Thank you God for breaking me.
Gracie